You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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