does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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