My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
