i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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