just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
