He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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