Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
