I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
