Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
