Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize