how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
