In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
