booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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