All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
