so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have aggressive nipples.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
