And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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