Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The power of my boobs compel you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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