You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
