btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
