I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
