you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
