put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
