I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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