My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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