I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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