Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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