Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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