im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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