Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
