I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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