the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
