Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
