My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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