My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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