PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
