So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
