after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
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I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
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