Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
