Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I know her cup size but not her name....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
