I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
