We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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