i think my mom watched the whole time
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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