when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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