If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
