Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
