i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
