dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
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come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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