You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
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I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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