So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
