No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
