Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
