I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
