She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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