i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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