And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize