I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
