i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
