He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
