I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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