She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
