Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
