I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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