i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
