i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
