you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
