I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
