Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
