saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
