I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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