Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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