I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
where are my eyebrows?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
