OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
