I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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