I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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