grandma shit on top of the toilet
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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