getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
