ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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